20/06/2014-Death

Yesterday I saw The fault in our stars and it was precisely how I imagined it to be. But it also terrified me I'm supposed to get my eyes tested but watching the fault in our starts has made be worry that if I get an eye test the optician will find a brain tumor that will lead to my death. So now I convinced myself this will happen. It may be a little hypocritical, but these feelings are perfectly natural right ? Essentially if I have nothing to do I will think about my own death a lot and the thoughts just keep going round and round in my mind. Sometimes I feel like Harry from when Harry met sally mainly because I read the last page of a book first. I don't know if thinking about my own death is normal or not and there is no way I can just book an eye test to just find out and get it out of the way.I full well know I should stop having a major panic about this but it has to be good to be papered. Moving on to the fault it our stars it was a pretentious book and the movie accentuated how pretentious it was the cigarette metaphor made me move angry in the movie than the book. But and I like with the book I did question why when they went to Amsterdam they did not get high , I mean who does that ? I know that I could not deal with cancer if I had like the teenagers in fault in our stars. , but I guess when you get sick or whatever you just deal with it like everything else in life.  I think mainly if I was or is it were to die suddenly now I would be depressed that I have spent 3 years doing a degree I hate and not what I want to do.