For me it takes a while for me to adjust and settle into new surroundings. Yesterday I came back from university to be a home for the next 3 months for the summer. At the moment I am freaking the fuck out about it. When I move from university to home everything changes. When I am university I am free to come and go mostly as and when I please , but at home my parents still for some reason want to know what I am doing or where I am going. When I am at home I feel like a child not an young adult. These feelings probably come from the fact that I never had a REAL job !!!
The fact that I have never had a real job and I am nearly 22 would probably shock most people. I have had jobs but my parents have always got the job for me and I never got a job from my own merit and work ethic this is why my parents still feel they can treat me like a teenager and keep track of what I am doing and where I am going because they don't see me maturing in a PROPER fully functioning adult due to the lack of a job.
I suppose the moral from this story is GET A FREAKING JOB GIRL.
Sunday, 8 June 2014
Friday, 6 June 2014
06/06/2014- I am writing a diary ???
I have never written a dairy because I have never felt I have need to keep track of my thoughts and my emotions and what goes on in my day to day life. But usually diaries are meant to private and hidden from the world and other people's eyes. For one thing I do HOPE no one reads this because I am sure they would not only find in insanely boring but they would also find it very poorly written. Even though this is a blog which other people can read ,I do not see this blog in the same way. I see am now starting to see this blog as a dairy , log or record of my thoughts and feeling which some poor person on the internet could read. I find this blog comforting to write as it gives me something to do and a place to express the thought processes and opinions I have on a daily basis.
Also I an starting to find that is actually enjoy writing and I want to do it better and develop my writing skills. So I hope that eventually that will come across. Now I keep forgetting what I am trying to say. Ah I remember I do not want this blog to be a success because I like doing this for myself and no one else. That is why I find myself wondering if anyone reads this ?????
Also I an starting to find that is actually enjoy writing and I want to do it better and develop my writing skills. So I hope that eventually that will come across. Now I keep forgetting what I am trying to say. Ah I remember I do not want this blog to be a success because I like doing this for myself and no one else. That is why I find myself wondering if anyone reads this ?????
05/06/2014- Self doubt.
I'm aware that the content of what I'm writing may contain a lot self doubt. We are all complex people and all experience self-doubt faltering self-esteem. I for some reason have decided to express this I guess to help me track my progress on the path of life. Also I like to look at the flaws in my personality in order to understand who I am as a person and I feel that self doubt and other negative emotions are part of who we are as people and which I assume all people experience and go through in life.
That's all folks
That's all folks
Wednesday, 4 June 2014
04/06/2014-Pictures
I'm not going to beat about the bush my life is pretty mundane I should probably do more with my days weeks and hours. But I find there are not enough hours hours in the day. For example today I worked on my dissertation proposal (lost track of time), tidied up a huge amount of stuff , played the ukulele (yes I'm still doing that - its going well so far) and then I made dinner. Defiantly not exciting. I don't pass the days by doing the same thing but sometimes I find the days can blend into each other and become a bit dry. I'm hoping at this point I don't sound like Esther form the bell jar. Because I do love my boring days in all their colour and glory and each does have a richness to it what ever I do. Anyway I'm going to attempt not to ramble and get to the point now. This morning I had a fleeting though as people do on occasions and today that though was pictures. Today in modern times we are flooded with pictures whether they are still or moving most of the content people consume is an image. I do have a healthy appreciation for both pictures and moving images but I do wonder whether people relay too much on pictures and images. While I understand that pictures and video express a whole new side of life. Imagination that reading can bring in important too . Maybe I prefer written content because I feel uncomfortable round cameras and I have never been able to see the world clearly because I have to wear glasses. But anyway whatever the reason I have found pictures hard to comprehend, so because life is supposed to about self improvement. I am going to try and take more pictures and try to see out of myself more as well as making more memories that I can take pictures of in my mind or on a camera.
That's all folks
That's all folks
Tuesday, 3 June 2014
03/06/2014 - And shyness can stop you.
Shyness -
The western world in becoming a increasingly interconnected place through the medium of technology, and because of this people have taken to the internet in their thousands to write about their experiences of depression and social anxiety. I myself do not feel like a socially anxious person but I have felt all my life that I am shy.
This may be because people in my environment have always told me I am shy or I may have been shy people labeled me as 'shy' which I feel has developed into a self fulfilling prophecy. But either I identity as a shy and withdrawn person.
Shyness as defined by the America Psychological Association- " is the tendency to feel awkward, worried or tense during social encounters, especially with unfamiliar people. Severely shy people may have physical symptoms like blushing, sweating, a pounding heart or upset stomach; negative feelings about themselves; worries about how others view them; and a tendency to withdraw from social interactions. "
I when I am faced with new social situations I get an overwhelming feeling of not knowing what to say and how to react and I feel that I would like someone to come and tell me what to do in new social situations Although shyness may not be as sever as social anxiety or depression I feel that shyness should not be ignored and should be considered more of an issue. As perhaps being labeled and being told that you are shy at a young age does have an effect on your future personality. Maybe as an adult now I am aware of myself and how I handle social situations I should be able to change my feelings and deal with shyness better.
This is a part of myself that I am going to have to accept and try to change as I get older and I am faced with an increasing number of new situations.
The western world in becoming a increasingly interconnected place through the medium of technology, and because of this people have taken to the internet in their thousands to write about their experiences of depression and social anxiety. I myself do not feel like a socially anxious person but I have felt all my life that I am shy.
This may be because people in my environment have always told me I am shy or I may have been shy people labeled me as 'shy' which I feel has developed into a self fulfilling prophecy. But either I identity as a shy and withdrawn person.
Shyness as defined by the America Psychological Association- " is the tendency to feel awkward, worried or tense during social encounters, especially with unfamiliar people. Severely shy people may have physical symptoms like blushing, sweating, a pounding heart or upset stomach; negative feelings about themselves; worries about how others view them; and a tendency to withdraw from social interactions. "
I when I am faced with new social situations I get an overwhelming feeling of not knowing what to say and how to react and I feel that I would like someone to come and tell me what to do in new social situations Although shyness may not be as sever as social anxiety or depression I feel that shyness should not be ignored and should be considered more of an issue. As perhaps being labeled and being told that you are shy at a young age does have an effect on your future personality. Maybe as an adult now I am aware of myself and how I handle social situations I should be able to change my feelings and deal with shyness better.
This is a part of myself that I am going to have to accept and try to change as I get older and I am faced with an increasing number of new situations.
Sunday, 1 June 2014
30/05/2014
On Friday I randomly decided to get on a train and go to Birmingham for the day. This might not seem thrilling to most people but for me this was out of the ordinary. Most of the time I spend too much weighing up the pros and cons of a situation and worrying the possible outcomes of the situation. This has inspired me to make a list of things to keep in mind when I am faced with a problem.
1.) Don't over think - I have a chronic problem of over thinking just about everything I do, this I have come to find makes the problem seem a thousand times worse than it is.
2) Don't over analyse- Okay I suppose this relates to the previous point in a way. But it is slightly different, I tend to go over every possible outcome for situations and this leads to me worrying about the problem more than I should do.
3) Don't dwell on the negatives- I tend to focus on the negative parts of a problem I am faced makes me want to not deal confront the problem and run away from it.
4) Don't stress - This is a big one for me I tend to become stressed over the smallest things on occasion and this stops me from doing things I may want to do and stops me living the fulfilled life.
That's all for today folks.
Stepping Forward
Moving on from my lack of direction post I have now decided not only to tackle one project but TWO.
TWO Challenges ! What are they I hear you say. So hear goes
Challenge 1.) Firstly I have decided to challenge myself to learn the ukulele and NOT under no circumstances give up trying which is what I tend to do. I know this is only a small thing to do but intend to stick at it.
Challenge 2.) This I feel is going to be MUCH more difficult, I am going to challenge myself to try a new experience everyday. This is because I feel that my life lacks spontaneity and adventure and I feel that I should embrace this side of myself in order to get myself going in a exciting direction.
The next test for me is whether I will be able to keep it up that is why I am going to track my progress via this blog.
That's all for today folks.
TWO Challenges ! What are they I hear you say. So hear goes
Challenge 1.) Firstly I have decided to challenge myself to learn the ukulele and NOT under no circumstances give up trying which is what I tend to do. I know this is only a small thing to do but intend to stick at it.
Challenge 2.) This I feel is going to be MUCH more difficult, I am going to challenge myself to try a new experience everyday. This is because I feel that my life lacks spontaneity and adventure and I feel that I should embrace this side of myself in order to get myself going in a exciting direction.
The next test for me is whether I will be able to keep it up that is why I am going to track my progress via this blog.
That's all for today folks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)